Klown Complex: March 2008

1. A robot may not injure a human being or,
through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey
orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with
the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such
protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law
.

Oh, Isaac... what have they gone and done now? Blizzard Entertainment, you know, the World of Warcraft guys, have recently sued bot maker, Michael Donnelly. Donnelly's bot, Glider, apparently plays the game for you: grinding, leveling, gathering.

Donnelly's bot goes for around 25 bucks a pop. Add in your 15 bucks a month subscription fee, and you level your way into MMORPG renown without ever actually having to touch your computer again.

Okay, the way the Klown sees it, anyone so damn lazy as to require Donnelly's software is should pretty much have their Blizzard accounts banned for a proportional amount of time that Donnelly's software has been running (read your damn EULA folks).

Hmmm. Let's see, if you ran Donnelly's software for any grinding under level 20 (of the 70 levels currently available), you are far too much of an idiot to really understand that you are being punished. So, you get the shortbus-freepass. Plus, without out you actually "piloting" your toon, I didn't have to listen to you beg for gold in Org, blather on about Chuck Norris in Barren's chat, or constantly challenge me to duels with your level 9 rogue.

Levels 21 through 39. I am going to ask for a little slap on the wrist. Three day banishment for every level achieved. Why and arbitrary three days per level? Well, first it's a magic number; magic is what your mage should have been learning while you were doing whatever it is you were doing instead of playing the game. Second, just like the Highway Patrol that "let's you off with a warning" and writes the ticket for only five miles over the limit when you were easily doing twelve, these are my arbitrary rules. Now buckle up and head back out on the highway.

Level 40. Mount level. The level where you no longer walk from village to village. Thunder Bluff no longer seems so remote. If you bot your way from 39 to 40, your account will not be banned, but you will be forced to go on foot until you hit 70. Yup, can't even use the flight paths, you lazy asses. Just be happy that the zeppelins are still available; do you know how long a swim it is from Ratchet to Booty Bay? Oh, and level 41 Taurens of any class will get to taunt, jeer, and cajole you as they ride by on their legitimately obtained Kodos as you walk from Felwood to Thousand Needles.

If Donnelly's software takes you from 41 to 59. One month ban per. See the arbitrary explanation above...and just be happy that I am not the "speed trap sherriff" of some li'l podunk town in the middle of nowhere.

60....that once, nearly unattainable goal...the end of the road, now a mere layover until you get some "phat lootz." Your punishment is simple. You can play all you want, but the only experience you will now get is running noobs through RFC at the same XP/kill that they receive. You should hit 61 somewhere around 2035 now.

61-69. Really? You actually bought the expansion and Donnelly's cheat? Banned for life...move along. I hear EverQuest II is looking for people.

70. Well, if you weren't completely tossed to the curb by violating the EULA in levels 61-69, then you get to keep your account and play all you want. You did it! You hit the max level. For now. When Wrath of the Lich King comes out, however, you will gain XP at 1/1000 of everyone else and your account will be flagged as an "anti-collector's edition boxed set." Any purple chestpieces that drop for you now, or guild tabard (what the hell guild would have you?) that you wear from this point forward will have a scarlet letter emblazoned on it. A giant, red, glowing "N" for noob. And you have to accept every duel challenge from level 8 rogues and you will lose.

Oh, and as far as Donnelly goes...100,000 units at 25 bucks a pop? Good job! You only have to endure the pain of every internet spambot sending you Viagra and other penis related offers to whatever account you create, and every telemarketing autodialer calling you with real estate deals, until...well, forever.