Friday, November 07, 2008

Lost: Season 42


Back in the Watertown from my trip to Indy, and it feels goooood to settle back into the man-cave. Missed my computer, my comic books, and my X-Box...forgot to feed the cat and it ate the goldfish, but other than that, all was well. In the complex that is. Outside the complex, well, you know how every comedian earns his or her chops making fun of airline food and lost luggage (that and dick jokes)? Well, it ain't for nothing folks.
Now that good old Northwest Airlines is charging me fifteen bucks for my checked luggage, they almost feel obligated to lose my luggage. I, for one, certainly appreciate the star treatment. In the old days, when they used to lose my luggage for free, I always felt like I was doing something wrong, something dirty, kind of like stealing cable tv.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Cruel Black Doves

I cannot believe how much I love this song and I cannot believe that I hadn't caught buzz on this earlier. Time to quit living under a rock.

Ummm...2

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Google doesn't lie...



Image search results for: "Sara Palin stupid."

Re-Fabled


Two hours, or so, in and I am pretty impressed, so far. Camera angles, blah-blah-blah and all of the things that you would normally take for granted in a high profile game...check.
So, what separates this from the rest of the "pack?"
You get a puppy.
Really.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Too much of a good thing...

For me, weekends are often about getting the chance to putter around the kitchen. Most of the time, I stick to small batch type meals. This weekend was quite the exception. Armed with a fundamental knowledge of split-pea theory, I whipped up a batch of soup. The kettle of choice was reminiscent of one that Klinger might have hunched over in a M*A*S*H* episode.

The final result was a little too salty (even after adding two whole potatos during the simmer), but still quite tasty.

Sadly, though, I do not think that I will be able to consume the entire batch (even in a month), without causing irreparable damage to myself or to my appreciation of William Friedkin movies.

How to annoy a melon...

Monday, October 06, 2008

MSG..or...Why does my head feel like it is going to go all Vesuvius?

Stepped out for lunch today and went to my favorite restaurant downtown. Ordered some Pho', which most of you may know is my all time favorite lunch. Rather than adding the usual condiments (oyster sauce and chili paste), I went for the beef flavoring instead. Not 100% sure that it is MSG enriched, but I am guessing that this headache is more than just regular sodium toxicity. Feels almost as though some 10 foot giant is trying to using my head as a bowling ball: index and middle fingers gouging my eyes and thumb hooked up through my soft palate into the back of my nasal cavity somewhere.

At least the egg rolls were good.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

Friday, October 03, 2008


Okay, while the rest of the world is bitching about the new Facebook layout, along comes one of my dearest friends and says, "Hey give this Facebook thing a shot." I really don't have anything to compare it to, so I can't be one of those complaining about it, but I have to say, and trust me, I am no idiot, I will be damned if I can figure it out.

Give me blogspot, or give me death! Or a Peanut Buster Parfait...I like those, too.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Friday, May 23, 2008

Monday, May 19, 2008

WTF?

Did Larry Flynt just buy Starbucks?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

More Rose, just for the hell of it.




Greetings from Hyboria

Two days into the the pre-launch...and well, quite impressed so far. AoC launched with some of the typical MMO glitchiness, but still promises to be a stellar game. The graphics are the most amazing out there for the genre, the story lines are beyond belief (if you take the time). The PvP is a bit shitty at the moment, mainly because of the typical spawn camping that you find in most FPS games. Yes, some people still get great pleasure sitting at the graveyard and killing players over and over and over and over again. Yes, killing me when I rez with 2% health is quite challenging, I get it. Now listen to your mother and go take the trash out. Seriously, though, most MMOers will accuse campers of being twelve year old dorks. This is usually true. In the case of AoC, however, and given the extremely mature nature of the game, if you are a parent and you let your child play this game, you should be forced to row a slaveship across the Hyborian Sea in a skimpy, skimpy loin cloth.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

gratuitous rose picture

You're welcome.

Ten-ish days

Pre-ordered and counting down the days. While I am not officially quitting World of Warcraft, yet, the end is definitely near. Dark Age of Conan shows a lot of promise (but so have others). Apparently this game is designed to blow up my computer. Not as bad as Crysis, but fricking close. I am going to start driving to Minneapolis on the weekends to panhandle for quarters so I can upgrade my video card. Look for me on Hennepin and 5th in the morning, and moving to the Washington Avenue bridge late afternoons ( I will be wearing my Berryman Jumped From Here T-shirt for extra-added pity begging).

Random


Completely random photo? Don't know. I "googled" (amazing how that has been verbed ain't it?) and came up with a photo of randomness. But since it was only a small sample of the interweb, due to the search term, it can't be completely random. I don't know. Ask Chris. Or have a seance and ask Philip K. Dick.
Either way, just haven't posted in a few days because of work and laziness. So there you go. Random.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

4000

The 4000th book has just been added to the database. Not that this was "officially" the 4000th book purchased. Who the hell knows what that one might have been. This just happened to be the 4000th that I bothered to add to the database that I purchased from collectorz.com. Not a bad little program for the price. According to the dvd notes for Unbreakable, I am now an average collector.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Impact!


Nah. Not my real X-ray, but you get the point anyhow. Somehow, my damn wisdom teeth waited until way, way, waaaaay late in life to start fucking around. So, this week, I tripped off to the dentist to bitch a bit about tooth and jaw pain, only to be told that there was nothing he could do about it, and then the dreaded "consult" came. Off to the oral surgeon, I did trundle.

Not that I expected it to be fantastic news, but jumping giraffes on pogo-sticks, I sure as hell wasn't prepared for the gloom and a doom that came next. First of all, it is really difficult to take anybody seriously when they are wearing one of those coal miner's set ups in broad daylight. I was bit fixated on that, when he started running down the numbers. One in ten chance of this going bad; one in five chance of that going bad. "You smoke? Well, just figure that this, this, and this is really going to jack you up..."

Oh yeah, and I am pretty much guaranteed nerve damage. At least bruising will cause me to lose sensation in my lower lip for six months. Maybe permanently. Especially on the right side, where it seems the roots have wrapped around the nerve.

So, shit.

On a lighter note, I do love the Vicodin.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Everything tastes better...


You can mash up just about anything, stick it inside a pita pocket and it tastes pretty damn good.

Today:
Diced carrots, cucumber, yellow onion, banana and sunflower seeds. Toss with a bit of Newman's Own Ranch. Toasted pita...Yum Yum!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Hey Kids! Fiction!


The average man thinks of sex once every 52 seconds. I am not an average man. I think of killing myself once every 52 seconds. It’s the ink, I tell myself. It is the ink that marks my face, my neck, my back that tells me to end it all. It is the ink that courses through my veins, the ink that my father forced into my life that guides my every action. It is the ink that led me first to K and then to the boy, Reason.

The ink speaks to me. It tells me that I will not see another sunset. The ink tells me that if I am to save myself, I must save the boy first. It says to me as clear as midway barker on a spring afternoon that I must obey K’s every command. The ink lies as much as it tells the truth.

The ink and I are the same, and I cannot trust one more than the other.
— May 4th

From the Journals of Squish the Klown

The cow says...


Apparently, I was a pretty precocious kid. Anyhow, I used to get home from school, kindergarten, everyday at the same time and would be greeted by the same question from my mother, "What did you do in school today?" Well, truth-be-told, the same thing as we did the day before, we tied our shoe laces, ate some cookies, a kid wet his pants, and we did naps after story time. Already, by age five, I had become jaded and bored with how mundane the "twenty hour work week" could be. It's kindergarten, we only worked half shifts making cotton snow men. So, anyhow, one day my mom unleashes the same old question, and I just straight up told her that one of my classmates, Randy Dyer, has an uncle who owns a dairy farm and he brought a cow to school for everyone to see and pet. My mom was absolutely amazed and pleased that we got to experience something as "udderly" awesome as that. Pardon the pun, when one is there, I have to take it, union rules that I will explain later. Anyhow, I stuck with the cow story, elaborated on it some, and then went off to play super heroes out in our back yard. For some reason I was always Aquaman, which doesn't make sense because he's a blonde and I am not. Well, about three days later, my best friend Todd's mother is down for coffee with my mom. Shirley had gone to high school with my mom and they were close friends themselves for years. So, over coffee cake and conversation, my mom tells Shirley, "Wasn't it incredible how that boy's uncle brought a cow to the school for all the kids to see?" Shirley was absolutely flabbergasted that her son would have failed to mention something so out of the ordinary. So, Shirley calls Todd away from a fairly fierce debate over whether Iron Man could beat Spiderman in a fight and asks him about the cow. Todd didn't know anything about any cow, and was far too slow, even as a best friend, to help cover my tracks. He just shrugged, said, "Nope. Never happened," and came back to the living room to start a new debate: Superman vs. The Hulk.

Later that week, after the results of my spanking had somewhat subsided, my mom attended the semi-annual parent/teacher conference and Mrs. Clancy began her assessment of my progress on the whole tying the shoes, not eating the paste, counting to 12 sort of work we had been doing. My mom quickly cut to the chase, much quicker than I am obviously capable of, and asked her about this whole cow mythos that I had concocted. Mrs. Clancy simply looked at her and said, "Well, he's obviously bored with the whole cookies and milk thing, and wanted to tell you something truly impressive about what we do here."

And now, every Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, or Arbor Day, whenever we get together to bbq or deep fry a turkey, someone has to bring up:

"The Cow Story."

Monday, April 14, 2008

Welcome to the temple of the $



Sometimes I go and buy things I don't really want, and really, really don't need, because I am a proud American.

Birthplace of the idea for Squish the Klown. Not for nothing, don't buy any balloons there. The place is festooned with the phony Clown types (I think the proceeds from all balloon sales support some cult or something).

oh yeah! I forgot...



Sure, they aren't around much there anymore...but just a hop skip and jump down the road...Minneapolis. One hour away. And of course I go there ALL the time.

Not to be outdone...



Over at hongkongcavalier, Chris is pointing out how cool San Francisco is, here at the complex we are tooting are own horn regarding the splendor of Wisconsin.

On a serious note, I am glad to see that he and Nancy made it home. Now if I can just figure out a way to extract myself from this cheese trap.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

First rule of Fight Club...you wouldn't like me when I get angry

Does that really count?

Sorry for going porn two days in a row, but what else are you going to do when it's raining AND snowing outside?



Earlier this year, Stormy Daniels won the 2008 AVN Award for Crossover Star of the year. This was the same awards ceremony that Jenna Jameson, sadly, announced her retirement from the hardcore industry (in front of the camera).



Stormy's crossover credits include:

1) well, herself...in a porn video being watched by the 40-Year-Old-Virgin

2) a lap dancer in the movie Knocked Up

3) a seductress stripper in FX's Dirt

4) and a pole dancer in Maroon 5's "Wake up call" video

What's the difference between a lap dancer and a pole dancer you might ask? About 100 bucks.

SFX insert rimshot here


Crossed over? Yikes. I don't think psychic flim-flam man John Edward could even fake his way through that cross over.



It's great that Stormy found some work doing mainstream films (whatever the hell those are these days: Read Crooked Little Vein for a bit better explanation on this phenomenon).



I am going out on a limb here and saying that crossing over would require, hmm...acting? Meryl Streep worthy shit...know what I mean?



Now, crossing over in the other direction, well, that's a back massager of a different utility. Chloë Sevigny's bj in the Brown Bunny proves that I will sit through an art flick, no matter how boring, how pretentious, or self indulgent just to say..."holy shit! did she really just do that?!" And yes, yes she did.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Proving yet again, I will buy anything with a porn star's endorsement

I will skip the obvious joke here that Jenna Jameson's new comic book is published by Virgin Comics. See? I feel better about myself already. Co-written with Witchblade's Christina Z, Shadow Hunter has nothing to offer other than some cool variant covers (J. Michael Linsner for one), and well, better than average pencil work inside.

Abandoned daugher of a demon discovers the truth about her father and battles good and evil, but the distinction between the two isn't always clear...yawn.

If you got your start in the "arts" making adult entertainment, AND you are parlaying that name recognition into merchandising (Gene Simmons, anyone?) then a PG13 rehashing of the whole good/evil paradigm is bound to be a let down. Now Virgin Comics isn't just capitalizing on Jenna Jameson's brand name. They have John Woo, Dave Stewart (yes, the Eurythmics guy, I had to look it up too, so don't worry) and Guy Ritchie shilling for them as well.

And yes, I bought Shadow Hunter because the now porn-retired Jameson still makes my heart go pitty-patty-boom-boom whenever I see her clothed or not clothed. Anyone who has seen her E! Television special knows that she is not just a pretty face and injected mammaries. Jameson is as big a marketing genius, if not bigger than the heretofore mentioned Mr. Simmons of KISS fame.

Jameson's name and Christina Z's talent would have been better displayed by Avatar Press with their no-holds-barred approach to the comics industry.



Where Shadow Hunter may have failed, Zombie Strippers promises to succeed. This tongue-in-cheek throwback to Drive-In horrorfests has the potential to carve out Jameson's spot in B-movie heaven.

Ah...the nostalgia...the good old days of borrowing the Klown Mobile, a trunk full of fellow revellers, a stolen first kiss during the original Friday 13th...

...seeing a Jameson movie for the first time...

It's enough to make a Klown shed real Klown tears, isn't it?

-sistible? Uh, okay...still going to vote for him.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Bloody Mary Morning

If you have never had a Bloody Mary Morning, what's stopping you?

Enjoy this little ditty from the Supersuckers when you do....


Friday, March 28, 2008

Yeah, I used to be that guy

Two jobs. One for cash. One for pixelated gold and armor.

Anything can be addictive, and addictions can be work.

The Second Profession: Dragon Killer

Thursday, March 27, 2008





1. A robot may not injure a human being or,
through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. A robot must obey
orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with
the First Law.
3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such
protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law
.
Oh, Isaac... what have they gone and done now? Blizzard Entertainment, you know, the World of Warcraft guys, have recently sued bot maker, Michael Donnelly. Donnelly's bot, Glider, apparently plays the game for you: grinding, leveling, gathering.
Donnelly's bot goes for around 25 bucks a pop. Add in your 15 bucks a month subscription fee, and you level your way into MMORPG renown without ever actually having to touch your computer again.
.
Okay, the way the Klown sees it, anyone so damn lazy as to require Donnelly's software is should pretty much have their Blizzard accounts banned for a proportional amount of time that Donnelly's software has been running (read your damn EULA folks).
.
Hmmm. Let's see, if you ran Donnelly's software for any grinding under level 20 (of the 70 levels currently available), you are far too much of an idiot to really understand that you are being punished. So, you get the shortbus-freepass. Plus, without out you actually "piloting" your toon, I didn't have to listen to you beg for gold in Org, blather on about Chuck Norris in Barren's chat, or constantly challenge me to duels with your level 9 rogue.
.
Levels 21 through 39. I am going to ask for a little slap on the wrist. Three day banishment for every level achieved. Why and arbitrary three days per level? Well, first it's a magic number; magic is what your mage should have been learning while you were doing whatever it is you were doing instead of playing the game. Second, just like the Highway Patrol that "let's you off with a warning" and writes the ticket for only five miles over the limit when you were easily doing twelve, these are my arbitrary rules. Now buckle up and head back out on the highway.
.
Level 40. Mount level. The level where you no longer walk from village to village. Thunder Bluff no longer seems so remote. If you bot your way from 39 to 40, your account will not be banned, but you will be forced to go on foot until you hit 70. Yup, can't even use the flight paths, you lazy asses. Just be happy that the zeppelins are still available; do you know how long a swim it is from Ratchet to Booty Bay? Oh, and level 41 Taurens of any class will get to taunt, jeer, and cajole you as they ride by on their legitimately obtained Kodos as you walk from Felwood to Thousand Needles.
.
If Donnelly's software takes you from 41 to 59. One month ban per. See the arbitrary explanation above...and just be happy that I am not the "speed trap sherriff" of some li'l podunk town in the middle of nowhere.
.
60....that once, nearly unattainable goal...the end of the road, now a mere layover until you get some "phat lootz." Your punishment is simple. You can play all you want, but the only experience you will now get is running noobs through RFC at the same XP/kill that they receive. You should hit 61 somewhere around 2035 now.
.
61-69. Really? You actually bought the expansion and Donnelly's cheat? Banned for life...move along. I hear EverQuest II is looking for people.
.
70. Well, if you weren't completely tossed to the curb by violating the EULA in levels 61-69, then you get to keep your account and play all you want. You did it! You hit the max level. For now. When Wrath of the Lich King comes out, however, you will gain XP at 1/1000 of everyone else and your account will be flagged as an "anti-collector's edition boxed set." Any purple chestpieces that drop for you now, or guild tabard (what the hell guild would have you?) that you wear from this point forward will have a scarlet letter emblazoned on it. A giant, red, glowing "N" for noob. And you have to accept every duel challenge from level 8 rogues and you will lose.
Oh, and as far as Donnelly goes...100,000 units at 25 bucks a pop? Good job! You only have to endure the pain of every internet spambot sending you Viagra and other penis related offers to whatever account you create, and every telemarketing autodialer calling you with real estate deals, until...well, forever.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Muffin Man

I have a good friend who is all about toast. Maybe you have seen his website. It is, among many things, a fun place to hang out. I am not anti-toast. I am anti-cupcake. If you are pro-cupcake, then no muffins for you. I am kind of so-so on the whole bagel thing. Muffins. Muffins. Muffins.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

The Guild...even if you don't WOW, still damn funny...

Okay, I have to admit, I am a WoW-er... that's like the first of twelve steps, I know...but, for now I am going to leave it at that. (Though, even amongst WoW-ers, there are still those striving to hit level 70 on one toon...I have two, and working on a third...yes, my skin is turning a pasty white...except of course for my fingertips, which are an unatural Cheetohs cheesy orange...)

Start at the bottom of these episodes and work your way back to the top. If you play World of Warcraft, you will easily identify the stereotypes. If you don't play...well, then, that is just plain sad...sad, I say.

Zug zug.















Thursday, February 28, 2008

Too pretty to fly? - Tampa Bays Local News

Probably has absolutely nothing to do with them getting on the plane with a completely lousy attitude and expecting more simply because they are "too pretty to fly."

I don't know the whole story.  Many of the passengers on the plane don't even know the whole story.  Hell, even the two of them probably don't know the whole story. 

But this whole idea that they were discriminated against because they are "too pretty?" 

Once again, I blame MTV and a generation of empty headed teens (and by teens I mean well into the mid to late twenties) for this complete load of crap.

Bullshit incidents like this lessen legitimate claims of prejudice.  Ladies, please read your history...Rosa Parks, white/black drinking fountains, segregated lunch counters, Martin Luther King. . . and on and on and on....

Just from a quick glean of the story: you were told to wait for a drink until your row was being served...did you expect to be served first because you are "too pretty?"

Vulgarities exchanged between the guy who found himself stuck in an airplane toilet for "15 minutes."  Did it occur to you that no one really wants to spend anytime in there?  Did you knock once? Twice? Thrice? a little too aggressively?  Do you like to be disturbed when you either can't quite pinch one off or grunt and regret your way past a poorly conceived Taco Bell meal?

Too pretty to fly? 

Give too petty a shot.  Or get a private jet like Paris Hilton.

Too pretty to fly? - Tampa Bays Local News

Monday, February 25, 2008

Soon to be working a drive-thru window at a Jack in the Box near you...

Yeah, like I am the ONLY one...



C'mon...you wanted to do it too.

Someday...even he will reproduce....



and note...so will the younger one. Yes. Reproduce. Create more of their own kind. The kind that spell onomatopoeic words wrong. Seriously...it's spelled the way it sounds. That's the whole point.



Hell...the embed, doesn't do the William Saffire butchering justice...and I am too damn drunk to figure out the damn link at the moment, so just do yourself a favor, go directly to youtube.com and search for "Bug Spalt." Either you get the video that I am talking about or Jeff Foxworthy will come clean your carpet. Either way...hilarity ensues.

I dunno....kill it....

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Wow...that long....

Looking back, has it really been that long since I became disillusioned and kicked it all into the fire for the night?

Hmm...guess so.

Tuesday I get to go to the polls and cast a vote for Obama....

Perhaps, maybe? Hope?

Stay tuned.